so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize