I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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