"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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