I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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