I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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