Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
