Im at strip club and am horny
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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