This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
