Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
