i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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