You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
