Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
