My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
