oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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