i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
