You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
