I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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