marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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