community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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