you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
