oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
