DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
