Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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