why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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