I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
