Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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