she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just invented taco cereal.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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