checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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