it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
