Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize