so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
