matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
