she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize