ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
