you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
