dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When did angry sex become our thing?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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