Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
