If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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