you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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