woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
