You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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