No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
