I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
