if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
