dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize