i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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