You work out of a Hotel?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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