I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
