Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
