please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
