hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
