i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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