Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
