mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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