her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
