why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
