For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
