I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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