I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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