she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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