I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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