Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
