It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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