I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
