it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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